Guess what? It turns out that I am one of the beings who are led to your site after searching 'turn on feminist'. But since you seem to be an inquiring mind (as I am) who likes to take a look at things like search term data, I thought I would explain: I'm a young woman (who considers herself a feminist), wishing to have a good time, but against the rights abuses and negative imagery of the conventional sources of inspiration (aka the porn industry). Where does a rights- and media-conscious chick go on the internet to get sexily inspired? That was the question that led me here: and I am glad to have met a new blog! But the question remains...
New data for the set.
Thanks for the question, K! This question has plagued many a google-friendly feminist for years. How can you look up some good ole orgasm inspiration and avoid the plethora of sneaky surprise one-armed alien and a blonde chick fisting sites that are SO MUCH MORE COMMON than porn that is woman friendly?
1. First of all, if you're not totally opposed to porn, there is porn out there that is woman friendly. Basically, the porn industry is the Black Eyed Peas of porn. This is industry stuff, it's popular, it makes a lot of money, but it's kind of soulless and really painful. And besides the Black Eyed Peas of porn, there's also the NICKLEBACK of porn. And KID ROCK of porn. And for like, sane people, that's just unbearable. You're withering and dying in this void of horrible, horrible, industry options. BUT WAIT! Just like the music industry, there's independent stuff! There are the riot grrrl rebels who cast off tradition! There are the Mandy Moores who come back after their sugary pop phase and do their own thing! THERE IS GOOD STUFF AVAILABLE! Feministe has this helpful guide to resources for such porn (the post itself is SFW but the links are NSFW). There's even an annual Feminist Porn Awards, which has been around since 2006. Many people have said this, from pornstar Annie Sprinkle to author and journalist Caitlin Moran, but the answer to bad porn is not LESS porn, it's better porn! You might have to peep around and see what kind of stuff you like best, but having a starting point is so much better than the prospect of having to wade through the muck of terrible porn to find those feminist gems.
2. Porn is also basically everything. We are a world so saturated with porn, that everything from burger ads to PG-13 movies is all porned out. While there are negatives to this, the positive side is this: if you are not really into porn because of the low production quality and you know... other stuff, there are other sexxxy scenes. And those are in movies. And many of those are on youtube. My friend once spent half an hour on youtube, looking for the scene in My Best Friend's Wedding when Dermot Mulroney takes the ring off Julia Robert's finger with his teeth to prove to me that it was "the sexiest scene ever." Another one of my friends is obsessed with the episode 3.12 of Weeds when Nancy and Conrad finally hook up. Sexy scenes in regular old movies and TV shows can be potent stuff, and the graceful thing about the internet is that almost everything is available to you. And it's probably likely that you have some favorite scenes of your own, whether they're as tame as ring-removing via teeth, that racy Ryan Gosling/Michelle Williams cunnilingus scene (NSFW!) from Blue Valentine, or that scene in Ghost where Patrick Swayze seduces Demi Moore in the clay studio, these things are readily available... Thank you, youtube. Personally, I was so impressed by the upside down rain kiss in Spiderman when I saw it back in the day (and thanks, The O.C., for your episode 2.14 recognition of this being the best ever), that years later when I had my first boyfriend I convinced him that it was something that we should try. So, with some creative couch maneuvering, we tried it, not quite the same as the movie, but I thought it was kind of cool. His comment, "I couldn't really breathe."
3. Feminist erotica! If the only erotica you know about is the stuff that gets published in the back of Cosmo or 50 Shades of Grey, you don't know erotica. Bitch Magazine has some great recommendations in this post, and many people have commented with their own favorites. If you're skeptical of the whole lack-of-actual-visuals thing, I recommend you read Caitlin Moran's glowing recommendation for erotica in her book How to be a Woman. Basically, dirty library books fueled this woman's sexual awakening. Once you read that, you may be more open to reading as a sexy pastime.
Anyone have recommendations of your own? I've posed the questions to my fellow bloggers on Foxjuice so we've all got our thinking caps on and will probably be posting something about this in the next few days. I'll be sure to link it here when that happens, but also if you haven't been reading Foxjuice... you should start!