Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Ladies Be Trippin for Black Friday Deals

Happy Thanksgiving Week! Welcome to the Christmas shopping crazy-palooza kickoff event known as Black Friday!

When I was a senior in high school I worked at a GAP Outlet, and I worked Black Friday. Let me tell you, not a fun day for salespeople. But it's a big weekend for retailers. In 2010, 212 million shoppers spent an average of $365.34 each during the course of the holiday weekend. That is like over half my rent, so that seems crazy to me. But it is real.

The best worst part of Black Friday is the beginning of Christmas shopping ads. Don't get me wrong, I'm not hating on Christmas, I have a 172-song long Christmas music playlist, but show me the person who from mid-October to December 25 who does not get annoyed by Christmas commercials. Show me this person, and you will see that they do not own a television.

Anyway, the overwhelming trend among Black Friday ads is that they are targeted toward women. (Because only ladies shop, duh.) And not only are these ads capitalizing on the stereotype that women love to shop, they tend to take that stereotype, dip it in a vat of chocolate and then sprinkle it with crack. The result? WOMEN ARE SO CRAZY FOR CHRISTMAS AND CHRISTMAS SHOPPING AND OH MY GOD I AM ON MY AMAZON.COM WISHLIST RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD CAN'T WAIT TIL CYBER MONDAY B-CUZ I AM A LADY AND LADIES ARE SO CRAZY FOR SHOPPING AND DEALS AND OH MY GOD A SALE I LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT IS THAT GLITTER YAY CHRISTMAS!

I actually kind of like this series from Target, called "Christmas Champ." Some are better than others, but I admire her psycho-eyed competitive spirit. Nothing says the holidays like making sure everyone knows you're the best at everything.

Some people are complaining about this one, but I say, you fools, you built her up, you cannot complain about her now. Clearly it was only a matter of time.

Trick commercial: there are no actual ladies in it. Except for the screaming. Oh, the screaming. Something only ladies do. Justin Bieber! Shopping! HEART ATTACK OF LOVE!

This is a commercial featuring a psycho Christmasmom, but it's meant for dads to laugh at too. Know why? Sports reference. I have no idea what an audible is. That's because I have a vagina. When you are born, doctors hand you a small dictionary of "secret gender words." That is the social construction of gender, folks. I have my dictionary of secret gender words for girls, which features words and phrases like "nail polish remover," "Aqua's latest album," "Lilith Fair," and "flatiron," while the dictionary of secret gender words for boys contains sports references, bands from the early 2000s that no one cares about anymore, and a variety of outdated surfer-culture words. See? I can't even name them because I don't have that dictionary. Anyway, good one, Walmart.

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