Episode 7: Over My Dead Body
Guidance counselor extraordinaire, Val, is the director of the school's anti-drunk driving play. And since Val is off her rocker, she casts Jenna in the role of "dead Stacey." (Tamara is super upset about this, she insists that the drama department has a conspiracy against her and won't cast her in anything.) Jenna is of course not jazzed about her stage debut, especially one that associates her with a dead girl. And to boot, her on-stage love interest is JAKE, who keeps trying to bring up their kiss and Jenna does not want to go there.
However, when Jenna tells Val that her parents don't want her to do Dead Stacey, Val goes straight to Jenna's parents and discovers that Jenna's mom played Dead Stacey in high school and "brought the house down." Darn it. Now Jenna's mom is excited for it. No way out!
Val grim-reapers half the school to symbolize dead teenagers (who wear face paint and can't talk). While Lissa silently watches Jake and Jenna practice being high school sweethearts, Jenna is trying desperately to change the script so that people start talking about her in a good way.
Meanwhile, now that Mattie knows Jake has kissed Jenna and is into her, all of a sudden he wants to talk to her. However, FINALLY, Jenna tells him he has to get his act together. No secret-Jenna relations.
Jenna's additions to the play include her BFF Tamara and her crush, Ricky, as hard-boozin' teens who cause the accident that creates Dead Stacey. And just as Jenna lays down to play dead, Jake confesses that the reason why he keeps bringing up their kiss is that he likes her. Bad timing, dude. As Val narrates the story, Tamara comes back on stage and, just like Jenna rewrote it, gives Jenna CPR (girl-on-girl YEAH) and all of a sudden the student body pays attention. And Dead Stacey/Jenna lives! Happy ending. And Jenna has changed the way people talk about her. (Although Ariel Levy's Female Chauvinist Pigs comes to mind...)
Episode 8: The Adventures of Aunt Ally and the Lil' Bitch
So in this episode, Jenna's mom's nutso-BFF "Aunt" Ally comes to visit. As Jenna relates to Tamara, whenever Aunt Ally visits, Jenna ends up in child services. Since Ally and Jenna's mom (Lacey) are so concerned with Jenna's popularity (or as Ally calls Jenna, "Lil' Bitch"'s popularity), they offer to throw a party at the house. Jenna is vehemently against this although Tamara is practically peeing herself in the anticipation of "red cup pictures." But when Mattie finds out about the party (since Lacey and Ally hack Jenna's facebook) and calls to say he's coming, Jenna changes her tune. Maybe he'll finally realize that she's cool and like her?? !
This of course, is a disaster. The next day Jenna wakes up with no memory of the night before, and as she helps her mom and Ally clean the house, she pieces together what happened. Ally tells her she made out with someone... but who!?
Jake stops by to return the shirt Jenna lent him after she puked on him (she didn't remember), and tells her that they did not kiss, and Jenna gave him a lecture instead. Ouch. Although he confesses that it's unfair he's going after her and hasn't broken up with Lissa yet. Point! He also tells her to look for Mattie's hat. And then Jenna remembers... being all over Mattie and meanly (truthfully) asking him if he was keeping her on the DL because he thought he was better than her and if he was at her house just because he liked to party. Damn. Mattie, however, was not as wasted as Jenna (thanks Aunt Ally--she drugged Jenna. BTW this causes some tension between Ally and Lacey... as it should), and just leaves.
Voiceover Jenna opines, "My head was throbbing. And it wasn't just from excessive dehydration, it was from excessive humiliation."
All day long Jenna continued to leave Tamara freaking-out messages as she realizes more and more about what happened the night before, asking her to call back, but Tamara has ignored her. BUT THEN Ming (who was on "house arrest"--I'm still annoyed that the one Asian character on the show is being relegated to a stereotypical sideline role where she can't do anything but call Tamara and Jenna and wish her parents would let her take a study break) calls Jenna to ask about the crazy night and the pictures posted on her profile. And when Jenna checks... OH CRAP. She drunkenly/druggedly made out with RICKY! Her BFF's crush since forever!
So Jenna goes to Tamara's house with doughnuts to apologize, and Tamara takes the doughnuts and slams the door in Jenna's face a few times, and then tells her, "Jenna, wake up! [Mattie is] just using you for sex! And you know what else, I'm so glad I wrote you that letter. You're dead to me, Jenna."
WHAT!? Tamara wrote the cruel letter to Jenna begging her to be less of a loser??! Jenna flashes back to the typed signature: "A Friend."
Oh, my god!! Okay, so we have several lessons in this episode:
1.) Omg, teenagers don't know how to drink, but also don't mix alcohol and pills! Bad blackout things happen. If you blackout once, by the way, you're much more likely to do it again. If you have ever had the experience of waking up and realizing that you blacked out the night before, it is not a pleasant one, even if nothing bad (other than the loss of brain cells) happened. If you have not had this experience, AVOID! Save your brain! Also, know your limits. And drink legally.
2.) Don't make out with your friends' crushes and stuff. Jenna's drugged out state absolves her of some of her guilt, but really, "sisters before misters," girls. It is much more likely that your female friends will last longer than some dude you made out with at a party. FO REAL. Not worth it!
3.) Don't write your friends mean letters! What!? Just don't do it... even if it inspires them to have these soul-searching TV-episode worthy story arcs about the quest to become cool... don't do it. That's not good friend behavior! That's Mean Girls stuff, and that belongs in that movie and that movie alone.