Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Advice from a Cartoon Princess

I love these Second City videos. However much I know Disney Princess movies give off conflicting messages, I still love them. It was a love that was ingrained in me from a very young age. However, coming off a debate with one of my friends about the merits of Princess Tiana (my new Princess fave) vs. Rapunzel (my friend Emma's new fave), I thought I'd do a little exercise in creativity, and put aside my blind love for cartoon princesses for a hot second and emulate these excellent, funny, and critical videos from Second City.

Cinderella: If your life sucks, don't do anything to change it. Wait for your Fairy Godmother! She'll sing and put you in a pretty dress. And then you'll get married. You should always let animals help you get all the little mundane things done, like chores or getting dressed or sewing ball gowns, they're very talented. You should always tolerate the mean people in your life because some day you will get made a princess and they'll still be mean. Don't stay out after midnight--bad things happen! That means you're out of control and you will probably lose your shoes. Having small feet is the way to get a husband.

Sleeping Beauty: If you meet a strange man in the woods who seems to be stalking you but sings well--you should probably marry him someday. Fairies will protect you any time you're near death or danger, so don't worry! If you fall into a coma and wake up with that strange, stalker man making out with you, it definitely means that it's true love. Get married ASAP! If you grew up in isolation with only woodland creatures and some matronly fairies as company, you're probably psychologically fine. Getting married will probably fix any of those problems anyway, so do it as quick as possible! Human friends are overrated, but husbands are forever.

Jasmine: If you meet this cute guy who you think is lying about his identity, he might not be that bad of a guy. In fact, he might actually have magical friends. Don't trust dark-skinned men with goatees. They will definitely try to make you their sex slave. You should make friends with tigers because people just aren't reliable. Always wear revealing clothing. It will always get you ahead in life.

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